Over the weekend I had a nice visit from a fellow blogger and personal friend. His online alias is Jack Camwell and you can find his blog here: You’re welcome for the plug, Jack.
We have known each other from some time; we used to work in the same call center. He is a great conversationalist and we talked for hours about everything. My most favorite topic, however, is what I wanted to blog about today.
You see, it is common knowledge that when you are meeting someone new you have to make an impression upon that person. Some people present who they really are (or as close as they can get) but most play what Jack and I referred to as The Game.
The Game, from my understanding, has few rules. The object, of course, is to get ahead. At the end of The Game, the person you have just met likes you enough to continue seeing you some more. This could be in a professional atmosphere, education one or most commonly a social situation.
The Game isn’t just played between men and women; it is also played between women and men. I can’t speak for The Game between two men, but I can give my perspective on the others.
In my experience, this is how The Game between women goes:
Step One: Meet woman and immediately assess everything physical you can find. What are her obvious strengths? What causes me to feel threatened by her? What is she lacking? What do I have that she doesn’t? Do I rate her below me, above me, or are we about the same? What is her socio-economic status?
The things we look for can fluctuate based on the situation and some things are definitely amped up, especially if it’s between two straight women and at least one available, attractive (enough) straight man.
Step Two: Assess if I need anything from her. Do I want to be her friend? Is she my boss? Is she competing with me for something? Do I need her to advance professionally or socially?
If the answer to Step Two is no, The Game is over. If yes, proceed to Step Three. I should probably point out that these things can be determined – probably incorrectly – within moments of meeting someone. Basically you establish where you stand against the person and what you need or what she means to you right now.
Step Three: Try to make the best first impression possible. This is true no matter what the social situation barring a conflict from the get go. Now, there may be layers of other crap in there. For example, if it’s a girl you’re competing with for a guy make the first impression a good one. But also passively know that you aren’t going down without a fight.
I’d really like to take a break to let everyone know that I am just giving my perspective of how the world operates. I do not consciously do these things and if I feel myself start to do them I try to stop. I think this is human nature, but the deeper I get the more ugly I feel it is when it’s all written down like this.
Step Four: Take any moments where the attention isn’t on you to further assess this person.
Now, another aside. I don’t really think most people do this. I am sure they do it a little, but I think most people are too self-involved to really pay attention to what’s going on around them. Jack and I, however, understand that this step is most crucial. It’s a dog eat dog world, pardon the cliché, and the dogs that are hyper-aware always win in the long run.
The people that are good at The Game understand that understanding the other players is key. How else are you going to master manipulate the shit out of them to win?
Step Five: Use the knowledge you have gained so far to point out your opponent’s weaknesses and compensate for your weaknesses by demonstrating your strengths. This can be done aggressively or passively. I myself can be a very passive person. I believe that other people will show their weaknesses and all I have to do is show my strengths and the third person will put two and two together. I also believe that I should not try to go toe to toe with someone unless I am clearly the better party.
Jack and I discuss at great length The Game and why I’m not very good at it. I think the answer lies in Step Five. You see, by being a passive person I end up usually losing. It might be a dog eat dog world, but I don’t much care for the taste of dog meat. I tend to bow out if it’s a losing battle. I really only stick with it if the odds are in my favor to win.
This might be the part of The Game where I take a turn for the worse whereas people like Jack (and my husband, funnily enough) flourish. I just don’t have the stomach for it.
Step Six: If you have put yourself as the clear frontrunner, finish with humility and charm to seal the deal. This part I am really good at if the competition isn’t too strong and I actually get there!
So there you have it. The Game: Woman versus Woman. I imagine the Man versus Man is a lot similar, except instead there’s more testosterone and dick waving. Maybe some violence or just flat out cruelty.
As far as Woman versus Man, it’s a lot simpler.
A woman’s perspective:
Meet the guy, decide if he’s worth your time, have a conversation. See if there is chemistry, analyze everything about him, and give him your number. Talk about him with your friends extensively, question your judgment, and agonize over waiting for his phone call. If he does call you, decide whether or not you want to meet him. Repeat process until the end result is sex or you lose interest.
From a man’s perspective, I imagine it goes a lot like this:
Meet woman; want to have sex with her. Start conversation and tell her everything that sounds good; you’ll worry about the details later. Harass her (in the form of polite conversation) until you get her number, and then talk it over with your buddies to see if she seemed hot enough to bang. If that is the case, repeat process. If you start to really like her, introduce substance and depth so she doesn’t lose interest. If you lost interest, cut all contact or make up a lame excuse as to why you won’t return her calls.
I hope no men are offended by my interpretation; I am not a man. Maybe I will ask my husband. We’ll see what he has to say…
Well, he made an uncomfortable face because it’s kind of mean to put it out there like that but he did smile and laugh and say that’s pretty much how it goes.
It’s important to be aware of The Game in life so that you may be successful. It’s kind of crappy to lay it out just like that, but I’m just being real here.