Marriage and Gender Equality


It occurs to me, on this day, that perhaps I should write about gender equality. I title this blog “Marriage and Gender Equality” because marriage is what changes everything in the eyes of the State, not being in love. Two people can live together as long as they want, but once you get married, a whole lot of doors open (and it seems like even more close). So, the long debate of whether or not to allow same-sex partners the benefits of marriage continues. But, let us think for a moment. Instead of focusing on the love that two same-sex partners share, what is it about marriage that makes narrow-minded people so testy?

Being married comes with a lot of benefits. If your spouse dies, you get all his money. For the sake of this blog, I will refer to spouse as HIS from this point forward. I really don’t feel like writing s/he or his/hers over and over again. You all get the point.

So, you get the cash. You get the retirement benefits, you get the perks on cheaper health insurance, you are looked at with praise and pride by other members of your society. Why? Because first of all, if you got someone to marry you, you must be pretty awesome. Street cred goes WAY up. And let me tell you, people, if I ever met a gay married couple, my first thought would NOT be: Wow, gays can get married? It would be: WOW, I know what it takes to be married, and one or both of them must be pretty fantastic to pull this off.

So, society respects you immediately because of course ONLY for real life grownups that have their shit together get married, right? Read: sarcasm. There’s problem number one. Connecting marriage with a sense of accomplishment before you actually do anything besides get married… that’s not an accomplishment. That’s twenty minutes with an ordained person. I could marry a random guy off the street if I wanted to. We could even pretend that we have known each other for years and are madly in love. No one would be the wiser, but it would all be a lie.

So, what else about marriage gets people so fired up. Oh, the BIBLE. Yes, heaven forbid anyone contradict what the BIBLE says. When my dad gets home I will remind him to start beating my mother, because in the BIBLE God says that’s okay. Also, he should probably sell Kasey into maidservantry before she turns eighteen. Come on, people. The instructions in Exodus are almost line for line Hammurabi’s code of laws, which came WAY before the BIBLE was ever written. Methinks someone picked up the code of laws and said unto himself – hey, this sounds good. Let’s put it in the GOOD BOOK.

Anyway. I’m getting off track. Okay, what else is there. Let’s see, when you’re married you get money from the government and respect as well. What else is marriage good for? Ah, yes, PROCREATION. Because it’s not like anyone has babies out of wedlock. And I suppose you’ll tell me that a suffering child in the third world part of our own country should not continue suffering rather than be adopted by a gay couple? Wait a minute, is it better or worse is that gay couple is married?

So money, respect from our fucked up societal system, procreation… what’s left? What’s the point of marriage? Ah, last on this list, LOVE.

Love. The most valuable and cherished thing in all the land only because it affects our souls so deeply. Love, the thing that makes music and art and things grow and flourish. Love, that which starts life and breathes life into us. You want to talk to me about love? Is there LOVE in your man-woman marriage when the man beats his wife? I mean, I know that God approves of the marriage  it is sanctified because it is a man and woman, but what about the beating? Wait, didn’t we cover that already? Right, your God is okay with wife beating and sex slavery.

Well, alright then, what about the marriage between a man and woman where the woman whores around on her husband? Still okay in God’s eyes, the marriage anyway, because it’s between a man and a woman. Or the one where the man drinks and gambles away the value of everything in his life? Marriage still doing okay, though, in society’s eyes. Because those narrow-minded folks would much rather have a man-woman marriage in shambles than a healthy loving relationship between a couple of fags down the street. Don’t go near them! They might convert you!

Let me tell you something, folks. The gays do not want to convert the straights. They might convert the in-betweens, but that’s about it.

Also, tell me again how unnatural it is for a man to be attracted to another man. Or a woman to another woman. Practically EVERY species on our planet has homosexual tendencies, as well as heterosexual ones. I like to think that all of the species that had only homosexual tendencies died out due to lack of ability to procreate. But imagine a scenario where there IS a species out there that does have homosexual tendencies and they only had sex with the opposite sex for the purpose of procreation… and then went home to their same sex partner to love them? Wow. What a thought. I’m willing to bet that if people loved who they were created for, there’d be about the same amount of gay people as straight people.

Attraction does not come from GOD, attraction comes from pheromones and chemicals. There are deeply rooted carnal tendencies in our brains that say MAKE MORE BABIES. But, there are also chemical reactions that we get purely from appreciating the same sex. I mean Jesus Christ Megan Fox makes everyone want to bang, not just the men.

Not to mention the fact that women have a G spot purely for sexual pleasure, and MEN have one too! It’s called the prostate. Obviously it serves a purpose other than a sexual one, but who knows why when it’s touched men go freaking apeshit. It’s probably because we are pleasure-seeking creatures and what we are doing is RIGHT if it feels good.

Speaking of pleasure, I do not inquire as to what you do in your heterosexual relationship. I know what I like, and it’s not whips and chains. For all I know you’ve got a whole closet full of scary toys you play with, or you’re a furry, or whatever. What you’re into is none of my business, as long as you’re not hurting another human being (without their consent). Two (or more) consenting adults in a healthy sexual relationship is what is NORMAL. What’s NOT normal is the wife that cheats on her husband, the husband that fucks the babysitter, or the heterosexual couple that stalk little boys and girls for kicks.

You’re telling me that GAYS are the problem? Are you kidding me?

What I will end with, because it is the most important thing, is this:

The first amendment to the U.S. Constitution clearly states: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Look at what it says. Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof. One-hundred percent of the debate on same-sex marriage and same-sex equality stems from a religious point of view. Congress does NOT have the right to prevent the American people from practicing their religion. So you taking your goddamn BIBLE and shoving it down my throat? You are literally spitting in the face of our founding fathers. This is the FIRST amendment! The very first one! It is SO important that they put it FIRST! Do you think that was an accident? NO.

There is nothing scientifically dangerous about same sex unions. There is nothing fiscally wrong with it. There is nothing, I repeat NOTHING, wrong with two men or two women falling in love. What is wrong here is the idea that one human being can control another. What happens behind closed doors is none of your business. If it’s right in front of you…

Turn the fuck around or get over yourself.

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